Entry: Happily Ever After Tuesday, June 10, 2008



You have to wonder about Disney. All those movies where the princess/parlour maid etc meets the handsome prince, and then they dance around with birds and mice and so forth, their unbelievably large eys glistening, until they waltz off into the sunset, happily ever after.

 

Sure, to a single babe like Cinderella, staying up to the wee hours and frolicking with princes was her lifestyle. I can only imagine that glass slippers were incredibly uncomfortable, and of no practical use other than as a receptacle for champagne. Did she ever sit down, years later, her prince now lazy and fat, her five children nagging and crying, and the mice leaving droppings all over the mantelpiece and wonder if being a princess was as useful as, well, a glass slipper?

 

Iím also pretty certain that after she married the prince, Snow White would have grown apart from the seven dwarfs. Between all the cooking, cleaning and ironing, there just isnít time to patronize seven little people, and to dance around with baby deer.

 

Did Beauty ever wish that her nerdy prince husband was just a little bit beastly? Didnít she pine for the days when he was hyped up on testosterone, prowling and growling on the castle walls? Was he reduced to playing Scrabble and filling cracks in the plaster?

 

Even Ratatouille. At the end of the movie, the rat is set up in his own restaurant, but I know from painful personal experience that rats live for between two and three years, so the restaurant would have had a limited future.

 

I think that the most realistic kidís movie recently was Babe, because the guys making the movie made no bones about the fact that several piglets had been used in the filming, and that they had been summarily dispatched to the butcher afterwards. Now that is a reality show. They should do that with all difficult actors: Whaddya mean ya didnít have mineral water in your trailer? To the executioner with you!

 

There should be more kidís movies based on reality: Life is nasty, brutish and short.

 

(You may be detecting that I am a bit depressed- I have cabin fever- I have been in the house for four days now with a cold.)

 

I have recently been hired as an editor for Dadosphere, an internet magazine that is there to help/inform/amuse dads. Itís not quite the same as a blog, but most of the Dads involved are long-time bloggers. If you are a dad, have a dad, or know a dad, check it out!

   5 comments

pendoodles
June 14, 2008   05:29 PM PDT
 
Even the movie Free Willy and its sequel had happy endings, when in reality after the whale used for the movie was moved to another aquarium and treated for illness... died.

Fairy tales are for fairy tale people and fantasies. The kind of people you meet in chatrooms across the net & feel they have met their 'perfect partners'. HaHaHa
Bee
June 12, 2008   02:21 PM PDT
 
Gotta love your alternative endings. Specially liked the Beast playing Scrabble as a mental (and I don't only mean of the mind) image. Wahahaha
brandy101
June 12, 2008   07:28 AM PDT
 
congrats on the new gig!
Scott
June 11, 2008   07:23 AM PDT
 
Yup: The happy me was subsumed by the cynical nasty me. But I am happily bouncing back...
The singing mice. That is the real reson we love Babe.
AbbyNormal
June 11, 2008   03:15 AM PDT
 
I liked "Babe" and the sequel because the humans weren't all beautiful people - like the princes and princesses of Disney.

Yes, perhaps you're depressed and have been watching too many family movies.

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