I’m not much given to the kind of weepy self-loathing I saw on ‘Extreme Makeovers’ this evening. Occasionally I slip into the delusion that I am fairly fit, and that I could be ready to run a marathon within a few weeks. I would prefer to have the choice of shaving off my hair, and I guess being a little taller would help me to reach the wines on the top shelf at the supermarket…

Inwardly I do get somewhat stunned at the way I feel like a piece of driftwood, sometimes bobbing idly in a calm pool, sometimes practically submerged in a powerful deluge, rootless and unable to pull myself out.

I reckon that if you feel your teeth need braces, or you need to have some part of your body modified in order to establish some security with yourself, then go for it. Life is too short to hate the way you look. But do it for you. Not for the bully that used to tease you at school, or the husband/wife/girl/boyfriend that undermines the way you are.

I look at the yawning chasm between where I am and my dreams, and I get disheartened. Fundamentally, my life is pretty good, I love my wife and children, and I usually enjoy work. But.

So that you know:

My dream is to be involved full-time in ministry in the church. Not just preaching, not just counseling, but to be useful in social ministries, and to (ha!) help others to achieve the full potential of God’s calling on their lives. I would love writing to be a part of that somehow, and I want those things so much that it makes dealing with the very-different present hard sometimes.

So if I want those things, you may or may not be asking, what am I doing to get there? Well, I pray. I do my best in the areas in which I am involved, and I try to keep the hope fresh and alive.

Please understand that it is a privilege for me to feel this way at all. I was a highly unlikely candidate for church life, as a crazy unstable youth, and it is only the grace of God that has brought me literally out of the gutter and into a ‘normal’ life.

I wish that those unhappy ‘extreme makeover’ people could have a glimpse of the God I know, that they could see themselves as He sees them, that with all their flaws and bumps, and yes, even sins and inward imperfections, He loves them. To go from having a physically flawed face, to having a face acceptable to society and yet to maintain the inner corruption is nothing short of tragic.

Before you beat me with your laptops, I myself have undergone the ultimate in Extreme inward makeovers. Daily I submit myself to ‘the surgeon’s’ knife, and yet I am not afraid of Him slipping up. You yourselves have been witnesses to my imperfections, and yet I hope you share in my hope that in all these things, there has been a purpose.

I like to think that if who I am now walked past who I was then in the street, I wouldn’t cross over, but that I would have compassion. If I missed some important time in your lives, or if I missed the point, I hope you will understand that for me it is a real honour to be able to share in your ups and downs.

Mostly, you have left fun encouraging things as comments, but I invite you to help me to grow up. If I hurt your feelings, or if I assume things, let me know.

I wrote in the top left-hand corner that I think life is ‘inherently funny’. I know it’s not. I have seen some of you wrestling with incredible difficulties, and I am so impressed with your fortitude. I do hope to bring some more smiles as I reveal my imperfections, kind of like the opposite of a makeover: a makeunder. Hey! I look fine at first glance, but look under my carpets! For me, humour is one of the tools He uses to help me not to take things too seriously. Plus, sometimes, I am an idiot.

My children and my wife and friends all shine the torch on my inadequacies, but they also help me to turn them around.

I guess after all that introspection/selfish gibbering, I could ask you, what areas would you like to change? A physical thing? An inner thing? Don’t worry: Nothing is impossible for God. Right?