If you look on the side of most toys these days, you will find, in differing size according to country, a disclaimer, saying something along the lines of ‘Not Suitable For Children Under 3 Years of Age’. Occasionally, they may add ‘WARNING! CHOKING HAZARD!’

With a first child, you obediently pass over these when birthdays come around. You try and estimate the size-of-mouth-to-toy ratio, and sadly put all the exciting stuff back on the shelf. You rest assured in the knowledge that your beloved toddler is playing securely with toys in PRIMARY COLOURS the size of his/her head.

Depending on the age gap you choose/that ‘happens’ between siblings, something shifts in your thinking. Suddenly, your new baby is allowed to play with marbles/matches/tiny farmyard animals, and to heck with the risks. Even if you could delineate their toys, without the ‘MIIIIINE! I was playing with that!’ mantra, by now you have realized that children are built to be robust. You want them to be more independent, and even if that involves losing the occasional body part to machinery, at least you will have twenty seconds to yourself…

I do feel vaguely guilty as I hand over these instruments of potential mayhem, but often I look at the toys labeled hazardous and wonder why they exist, as the only appeal they could possibly have is to someone younger than three anyway. By the age of four, most children would regard those things with scorn.

Apart from that, on medicine bottles there are numerous caveats about the negative effects of mixing said medicines with alcohol. Fair enough.

Why doesn’t it say something similar on our alcoholic beverage bottles? ‘Warning, may cause drowsiness and acts of stupidity to be regretted tomorrow…’ or ‘warning: do not mix fifteen of these beers with one teaspoonful of medicine, as permanent liver damage may result’. Were drug companies getting sued for people crashing heavy machinery under the influence of two flu pills? Why weren’t people suing the booze companies?

I’m thinking there may be a tort in all this, and not the ‘tort’ that Tweetie Pie says to Sylvester. Hey, vineyard guys, you made me stupid, and then I  made a fool of myself while under the fiendish influence of YOUR product…

This has nothing to do with Easter. For those of you who celebrate it, have a wonderful day, but remember, Easter is about the rest of the year, too. For those of you who don’t celebrate Easter, have a great weekend, and have some chocolate egg anyway. (We Christians slip subliminal messages into the chocolate…heh heh heh.).